Tipped

Bread Bigger Than Your Head

December 12, 2007

A wise uncle once told me, "Omid, m'boy, Never eat anything bigger than your head."

His message was clear: Everything in moderation. Slow and easy wins the race. And every other silly idiom about not being in too much of a rush, too greedy, or doing anything in extremes.

So it's with great irony that about twenty years later, that same uncle introduced me to Patogh, a place of great extremes.

First off, Patogh is extremely small. While it may boast two storeys, each is roughly the size of a matchbox. You need the physique of an ant - or possibly a Romanian gymnast - to make your way to a table here.

Secondly, the portions are extremely huge. Ginormous. How one can even navigate the matchbox-sized restaurant after stuffing oneself full of this much food is baffling. I can barely seat my fat American arse to begin with. Getting up after a meal becomes a challenge worthy of reality TV.

(Word to the wise: When ordering here, make sure you only have one piece of bread. Anything more than that is excess on par with that of Louis XIV.)

Third, it's extremely good. I'm half-Iranian and have been eating this food since I first sprouted teeth. Patogh serves up chelokabab as good as I've ever had, and bolsters it with fantastic yoghurt and homegrown herbs (no, not that kind!) that make the difference between a mediocre and fantastic Persian meal.

Finally, it's extremely, ridiculously, mind-bogglingly cheap. Whatever they're saving on not having much square footage, they're passing on to you.

Tags: Persian, Iranian, kebab, chelokabab, bread, cheap