Astro Star Cafe London

3 2 Reviews

Coffee & Tea in London - Bethnal Green
383 Bethnal Green Road , Bethnal Green, London, E2 0AN
+44 (0) 20 7739 2903

Astro Star Cafe in London, London, is a coffee shop. They specialise in coffee and tea, The address for Astro Star Cafe coffee shop is 383 Bethnal Green Road.

Tags: bethnal green, breakfast, cafe, seating area

Astro Star Cafe London Reviews

Elena F.

20 reviews

Stellar breakfast! - Another generic cafe with Formica tables and plasticized menus adrift in a veritable ocean of similar cafes--known as London, I suppose--there are still three salient and compelling reasons for returning to the Astro Star Cafe.
I enumerate:

1. The deliciously tautological name.
2. The fact that it was open when our intended destination had the temerity and poor taste to be closed, despite the sign promising breakfast all day.
3. The freshest traditional greasy spoon English breakfast I've ever had. The tomatoes were just roasted, the mushrooms moist and browned while still being mushroomy, the egg crispy in just the right way, and the hashbrowns oh-so-crunchy. My companion claims English breakfast can be much better, but given how much worse I've had it in the past (lukewarm, mushy tomatoes, congealing or raw eggs, rubbery mushrooms, everything drowned in bean sauce), I'll be pleased to settle for this any day.
Any day, I say. 10-04-09

Tags: bad coffee, breakfast, tasty

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Haje Jan K.

15 reviews

SUITABLE FOR AN EMPEROR - [for the purpose of this review, please pretend it's formatted as a proper screenplay.]

Meeting at the death star

Inside a large, 20-sided room with tasteful but muted lighting.

The room has a long, horse-shoe shaped table in it. At the most rounded side of the horse-shoe stands DARTH VADER, obviously annoyed. The 10 or so aides available are huddled towards the legs of the horse-shoe shape

DARTH VADER
What is this nonsense? A cafe? In an insignificant little borough of London? Why are you wasting my time with this?

TALL AIDE WITH RED HAT
I'm really sorry, Emperor, I...

DARTH VADER (screaming)
Sorry nothing! I want answers! Guards, kill him!

The guards shoot the TALL AIDE WITH RED HAT who was addressing DARTH VADER

DARTH VADER
Now, some answers, please? Why are you wasting my time with this? Out with it, you knaves

SHORT AIDE WITH BLUE HAT
The people of London held a competition, sire

DARTH VADER
What does that have to do with me? Seriously, if you don't rapidly start making sense, I'm going to kill every one of you with my bare hands

Nervous aide without hat
The thing is, sire, the competition was to get yourself to name a cafe

DARTH VADER
A... CAFE? What in the hell...

DARTH VADER is shaking with rage and incomprehension

SHORT AIDE WITH BLUE HAT
Well, it's a very nice cafe

DARTH VADER
I don't give a flying monkey's testicle if it's the nicest cafe that ever walked the earth

NERVOUS AIDE WITHOUT HAT
Cafe's don't walk the earth, sir

DARTH VADER shoots a stare at the NERVOUS AIDE, who immediately shrinks away, realising the mistake in back-talking to the master of the known universe

DARTH VADER
How did they win this competition, anyway?

SHORT AIDE WITH BLUE HAT
Well, I believe it was..

The SHORT AIDE WITH BLUE HAT's explanation trails off illegibly

DARTH VADER
WHAT?!

NERVOUS AIDE WITHOUT HAT
He said it was a colouring-in competition, sir.

DARTH VADER
And this prize winner won first prize, did he?

SHORT AIDE WITH BLUE HAT
Well, actually, he won second prize. First prize would get their name chosen by Jeremy Paxman

DARTH VADER
So... I am second prize?

SHORT AIDE WITH BLUE HAT
Er, yes, sir.

DARTH VADER
Hm. Look at my face. I know I'm wearing a helmet, and that you can't see my face, but this is my unimpressed face. Mark it, and mark it well, you knaves. When you see this face, you're seconds away from death.

DARTH VADER pauses briefly

DARTH VADER
But I can't argue with a colouring-in contest. I love them. So, what do I need to do?

NERVOUS AIDE WITHOUT HAT
We need you to give the cafe a name, sire.

DARTH VADER
What kind of a cafe is it?

SHORT AIDE WITH BLUE HAT
Well, they do breakfast, various teas and coffees, and the food isn't too bad.

DARTH VADER
How does it compare to the Death Star cafeteria?

NERVOUS AIDE WITHOUT HAT
I reckon it's about the same, sire. The Tomatoes are well cooked, the sausages are lovely, the place is pretty clean. The mushrooms are nothing to write home about though. You can do much worse, though.

DARTH VADER points at AIDE WITH A NOTE PAD

DARTH VADER
You! Remind me to do something about the mushroom situation in the Deathstar cafetaria!

AIDE WITH A NOTE PAD
Ok, sire.

DARTH VADER
As for this cafe

DARTH VADER starts pacing the end of the room

DARTH VADER
I will call it the Astro Star Cafe.

NERVOUS AIDE WITHOUT HAT
A wise choice, sir.

DARTH VADER
I know. I only make wise choices. Now let's destroy that puny little planet of theirs.

DARTH VADER mutters something about 'second prize' under his breath, turns around, and stomps out of the board room. 10-04-09

Tags: all day breakfast, bethnal green, breakfast, cafe, darth vader, death star